


Stand Alone

by Tournesol



Series: Stand Alone Chronicles [1]
Category: The Pacific (TV)
Genre: Dogs, Fluff, Getting Together, Going Home, M/M, a little bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 03:20:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5274602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tournesol/pseuds/Tournesol
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eugene goes back home to Mobile after the war thinking he won't get another dog and that he won't see Snafu again but life has other things in store for him it seems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stand Alone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [greetingsprogramms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/greetingsprogramms/gifts).



> This is a work of fiction based on the characters from the HBO fiction, no disrespect meant to the actual veterans.

Home. It’s what’s on his mind as Sledge steps out of the train. He keeps telling himself he ought to feel something but he doesn’t feel anything past the void in his chest.  
There are some aspects of normalcy left, the bickering with Sid, his room left untouched same as the day he left, the singing of the jays close to his window each morning.  
It should be the same and yet everything feels stilted, as if glancing at life through a tinted lens.

There is one notable difference though and one he feels the most and that’s the absence of his beloved dog Deacon. He catches himself almost calling his name when he goes to get his bike, by habit, and sometimes expects to see him at the foot of his bed when he wakes from the nightmares at night. Deacon and he grew up together and the loss of Deacon feels very much like he lost part of himself, as if his childhood had ended without Deacon there with him. It feels the same as the way some part of himself died on those islands, the naive innocence of childhood, and the passing of Deacon feels like a physical manifestation of that loss. He visits the place his father buried him and cries for the first time since he came back.

He wears his uniform for a month, as is allowed, because none of his clothes fit him anymore, but the physical change is nothing compared to the way he changed inside. He doesn’t know who he is anymore and it’s harder than he thought to go back to “normal life.” His mother doesn’t know what to make of him and he finds himself at odds with her more often than not. He gets the feeling she expects him to be relieved and happy to be back, she doesn’t understand Eugene’s anger and bitterness. She’s the one to suggest Eugene gets another dog and even though it’s with the best of intentions Eugene is adamant she shuts this off. Truth is, he doesn’t want another dog. Deacon was it and he can’t take investing himself in another pet and losing them. He thinks he’d make a poor master as well in the mental state he’s in.

He’s more grateful than he could ever say to have his dad who is supportive without being patronizing and gives Eugene space and understanding when he needs it. For the first time in his life he’s able to have honest man to man conversations with his dad. He feels sorry for putting him and his mother through it all, especially when he learns they thought he’d been reported missing for weeks after his landing on Peleliu. The information was erroneous but the damage it did real.

His dad never pushes Eugene but works more by way of suggestion. They stopped hunting ever since Eugene’s breakdown but they still walk in the woods and observe the wildlife and Eugene gradually starts to feel less detached. Talking with Sid helps too because he went through it all ahead of him and through trial and error can advise Eugene on what works best to rehabilitate to civilian life. He talks about his new wife and is wordlessly advising Eugene to start a family of his own but Eugene always finds sarcastic rebuttals to evade him. He’s not ready to revisit the dull ache inside his ribcage and the person tied to it.

He doesn’t say no when his dad suggests Eugene accompany him for his round at the Johnsons’. The drive does clear his head and it’s a nice feeling to know he’s helping his dad doing something meaningful as healing. He looks down at his hands and the pink jungle rot scars on his knuckles and his thoughts are elsewhere as the countryside rolls by the window, to the corpsmen who devoted their lives to make sure the men were taken care off.

The visit to the Johnsons’ is pretty uneventful, save from the dog there, a small brownish freckled thing that doesn’t look like much, who barks and growls and subjects them to its angry stare all the while they stay there. It’s a sad story like so many, the dog was rescued from an abusive home by the Johnson son who nursed it and took care of it until he passed in a car accident a few weeks ago. Just like Eugene, he served and came out of the war alive just to have his life taken a few months after his return home. It doesn’t make sense but it’s just the way things are.

The dog sits in front of Eugene and keeps looking at him, and every time Eugene tries to get his hand near it to let the dog sniff it in greeting, it growls and threatens to bite despite being clearly looking for affection. Eugene doesn’t push it, keeps looking into those angry eyes and feels a strange kinship with this dog, anger, grief and sadness packed into one. Eugene can see the Johnsons exchanging meaningful looks about him and the dog but he knows better than to ask.

When they leave, the dog follows them up to the car and its anguished barks follow them for the better part of the Johnsons’ driveway, until it stops at the mailbox and sits until it’s nothing but a misshapen form in the rearview mirror.

+++

Eugene’s dad receives a call from the Johnsons a few days later. They explain how despite their best efforts it’s not working with their son’s dog and that they saw her (it’s a she, Eugene learns) show improvement for the first time when Eugene visited. Having heard of Eugene’s dog passing, they inquire if Eugene would want to consider taking her in, well knowing that this is an immense favor to ask but that they’ve exhausted every other option.

Not one to make a hasty decision, Eugene replies that he needs a few days to make a decision but that he’ll consider it, as adopting an animal is not anything to take lightly. He weighs the pros and cons, knows he vowed to himself he’d never take another dog but there was something in her eyes that makes him consider it. Something in his gut is telling him that it feels right. They shared something when Eugene was there, something that he feels can be enough to create a bond.

+++

The Johnsons are teary eyed as they let her go, but they smile as she follows Eugene, even though she keeps a wary distance. He was prepared for a struggle for the car ride but all he has to say is “Shall we go then?” and gesture to the car for her to follow. He has to keep a mindful distance but she complies.

Getting home is another story. She refuses to leave the car, but cries as he attempts to leave. He settles the matter my grabbing a book and settling in a chair next to the car, waiting for her to get out.

The book he grabbed from the house at random proves to be an old childhood favorite, Kipling’s _Jungle Book_. He opens it at a random page and reads with half an eye on the dog, looking at him wearily from the car.

It takes the better part of the afternoon for her to come out of the car and come sit next to Eugene and by that time he thinks he's found a name for her.  
“Akela?” he calls out, and her lifting her head to meet his eyes gets a smile out of him. And just like that the matter is settled.

+++

With Akela taking the better part of his days Eugene don't see the weeks go by. It's challenging and exhausting and it feels like for every step forward she makes, she takes two back, but it's worth it for the way each small victory feels huge. She’s stopped crying in the middle of night and she now accepts Eugene petting her a small amount. She's still very much anti-social and refuses any contact from humans and canines alike and still has that glint of hurt and anger against the world in her eyes that had him think of Akela from the Jungle Book for her name. He hopes he wasn't too damning in naming her something which means “solitary,” but every time the doubt crosses his mind he sees in her qualities from her fictional counterpart, a strength and wolfish quality that reassures him that she'll get by.

Eugene is so focused on Akela’s progress that he overlooks his own. Having Akela allows him to get out of his own head when he most needs it. On some days the only thing dragging him out of bed is the knowledge that he needs to walk Akela. She is also the one to wake him up at night when he's seized with terrors, curling next to him protectively and licking salty sweat off his face.

She soons becomes his partner in crime. They are still very co dependant and use each other as excuses to beg out of annoying social duties: during dinners at home he escapes with her to their room and if they both end up sharing biscuits he has stashed in his night table drawer, both of them sprawled on the bed, no one has to know.

The bed, off limits at first, is now hers as well. Not a night goes by without her curling against him protectively and guarding him from the evils of the night, most of them coming from Eugene’s head in the forms of nightmares.

As used as she is to Eugene now she still refuses to socialize with other dogs and humans and Sledge starts to despair a little about it because as good as is the progress she makes with him she deserves all the affection she can get.

The pair of them becomes a source of fond head shaking to Eugene’s parents. It's difficult to be mad at Akela’s antics (realizing Akela loves water when she once jumps into Eugene’s shower and runs all wet excitedly through the house) when Eugene seems to smile more and have some of his color restored thanks to his resting better.

Eugene finds himself able to confide in her too, stuff he tried to keep buried inside never to be revisited again but which comes spilling to the surface. It's strangely easy to say these things to her, things he knows won't burden her and that she won't judge him for or pity him. If anything she gets something like compassionate understanding in her eyes when he confesses what’s troubling him. She gets that look and tilts her head just so in a way that has Eugene’s heart clenching hard in his chest. It’s to her he is able to say Snafu’s name out loud for the first time. It’s to her he says the things he wishes he’d told him before they parted. It feels like a lifetime ago, back when he thought they’d have all the time in the world. He asks her a million questions they both don’t have the answers to: did his silence make Snafu leave? Did he not feel the same way? Eugene still feels confused about it all but he feels more at peace with himself telling all that to Akela.

+++

They pass the one year mark together and looking back Eugene is blown away by the progress Akela’s made. He thinks back to the first day he saw her, how scared and hurt she was and the contrast with how she is now is staggering. She doesn’t shy away from his touch anymore and is more affectionate than ever, if only with Eugene. She still runs to hide behind Eugene’s legs when a dog or someone new tries to come near her.

Still, there are some things that despite Eugene’s best tutelage, Akela never managed to pick up. She’s good with the leash but every time he goes on bike rides, she fails to follow him, zigzagging in front of him and turning at every chance to keep an eye on him. To remedy to that because he doesn’t want to stop biking, he repurposes an old backpack to accommodate Akela so he can carry her on his back, which proves to be a particular success, Akela’s head sticking out of the backpack and enjoying the wind rustling her ears. Sid also gifts them with a special basket to hook on his handlebars to carry her in and the two of them biking away becomes a familiar sight for the people of Mobile.

He keeps in touch with the Johnsons and they seem pleased with the updates on Akela’s situation. It won’t bring their son back but they’re appeased by the knowledge that Akela being well taken care of is the best way to honor their son’s memory.

+++

All in all life goes on for the two of them. They still have some bumps along the road but nothing they can’t overcome one step at a time. Until it goes to hell one friday afternoon.

Eugene took Akela and made the drive into town to visit Sid and Mary. The visit was short because Sid was in the middle of studying for his exams but instead of driving straight home, Eugene decided to take Akela to the park to try and get her used to noises and people.

He’s been sitting at a bench for some time with Akela closeby, Akela’s who’s been a champ and only flattened her ears wearily when a couple of boisterous kids ran by screaming at the end of class. Eugene is a little overwhelmed himself, as he is prone to be in loud places and after suffering a scare when a car started with a bang. Still he makes himself stay, cards his fingers in the soft fur of Akela’s neck and holds on, feeling each and every one of Akela’s breaths and feeling her warmth seeping through his damp hand like a balm while his pulse settles to a normal rhythm.

He stays a while longer in silence, looks at the carefree people impervious to the the shadows in his brain, the horror of memories lived that put nightmares to shame. When anger threatens he looks up at the trees, catalogues the leaves and recites their latin names like a mantra. When he closes his eyes he listens to the birds and invokes their likenesses in his mind to dispel visions of blood and coral dust. Much like Akela he’s training himself to find beauty in the world again. It’s in a particular phrase of a Mozart concerto, the particular shade of rouge on a girl’s lips, the way the seam falls neatly on the ankle of a passerby.

Eugene’s lost in thought when he feels Akela start and run under his hands. She tends to stick close to him so he didn’t bother securing the leash to the bench and just like that she’s gone, sending a bolt of anxiety shooting straight through his heart. He calls after her but to no avail, she’s off at a frantic pace leaving no other choice to Eugene than to run after her.

He finds her at the end of a trail in a corner of the park and he stops and breathes hard from the run and the adrenaline from her leaving. She’s just there, playing with a small black dog, with its leash trailing on the ground same as Akela’s. Eugene is part relieved and part refraining to urge to curse the living shit out of Akela’s, the only thing preventing him from doing so the fact that she is _socializing_ , sniffing the other dog and letting it play with her, something he’s never seen her do.

He’s panting for breath, with his hands on his knees when he hears that unmistakable voice that can only belong to one person. He believes it’s an hallucination at first, triggered by the adrenaline rush, a trick of the mind, reminiscing the way the chemical coursed his bloodstream a thousand miles from here, a lifetime ago, with only a voice to tether him in the darkness of a 2 by 2 foxhole. But when he looks up, rather than dispel the vision his eyes fix on the definite form of Snafu before him.

He’s got the afternoon sun against him and it takes some time for Eugene’s eyes to get used to the light but it’s him, right there in front of Eugene. He’s stuck in place, unmoving, his ears ringing as if recovering from a shelling.

They stand gaping at each other for some time until Akela scratches at his leg to get his attention and the spell is broken.

Eugene’s choked with all the things left unsaid between them and all emotions he tried so hard to repress for the past year, heartache and relief and his heart is beating so fast he can’t think straight and he falls into the old pattern, anger masking his concern.

“What are you doing here” he spits and he can feel his face heating it’s embarrassing.

“I… I don’t know,” mumbles Snafu, stopping to pick up the tiny black dog in his arms.

Sledge is firmly holding onto Akela’s leash and she’s pulling him towards Snafu and what is going on with her because she never initiates contact and of all the times to start she had to pick Snafu of all people.

He looks at her and he feels the fight leave his body, leaving only deep weariness in its wake.

“What are you really doing here Snaf.”

Snafu remains silent, the way he did when he didn’t know how to answer an awkward question, looking at the ground and clutching the short hair at the nape of his neck.

“Do you even have a place to stay?” Eugene makes himself ask.

“Not really no. I didn’t exactly think this through.”

Eugene sighs. He invites him home.

The drive is awkward and Eugene makes himself look at the road as an excuse not to look at Snafu. They have a million things to clear up between them but instead they talk about their dogs.

“I like your dog,” says Snafu. “What’s her name?”

“Akela.”

“Like _The Jungle Book_?” Eugene is still too angry and stubborn to speak so he nods instead. “You and your goddamn books,” adds Snafu. Eugene can’t see it but he can hear the smile in the tone of his voice.

“Yeah well how’s your called then?” he says, deadpan.

“Jeudi.”

Eugene tries the foreign pronunciation, the syllables sounding clumsy on his tongue.

“It’s French for thursday.” When Eugene frowns inquisitively Snafu adds “Got him on a thursday.”

And it’s something so Snafu that Eugene can’t help but snort at that and smile, and it might not alleviate all the tensions between them but it’s a start. He believes they’re gonna be okay.

+++

They go on a walk after dinner to escape the watchful eyes of Eugene’s parents, saying they have to walk the dogs as an excuse. For a while it’s what they talk about, their dogs, because it’s easier than broaching the subjects that need broaching. Eugene tells Snafu all about Akela and feels slightly betrayed at how easily she took to Snafu as if she’s always known him.  
Snafu tells him about Jeudi, how it’s more him who adopted than the other way around, how this scruffy pup followed him once and just never left.

But there’s so much one can say about dogs before exhausting the subject. Silence falls then, and darkness gives Eugene the boldness to say what he needs to say.

“You left.”

“Eugene,” pleads Snafu.

“I woke up and you were gone,” Eugene says, bitter. “You never said goodbye.”

“I tried!” yells Snafu all of sudden, turning to face Eugene, words pouring out of him. “I almost turned around but I couldn’t say goodbye. I’ve regretted it every single day but what was I supposed to do Eugene? You never said anything either! Don’t you think for a second that this wasn’t the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” asks Eugene, baffled.

“Eugene… You know I’m fucked up. You’ve known from the start. I thought I was doing you a favor. It was pretty clear you had a life to go back to at home.”

Eugene sighs again, pained. “Well you were wrong.”

Something lights up in Snafu’s eyes in the darkness, a glint of hope amidst the pain.

“I told you I had nothing lined up at home. I thought we’d stick around some more.”

Now Snafu isn’t looking at him anymore, clutching at the hair at the nape of his neck again like he’s wont to do when he’s nervous or uncomfortable. “You never said a thing, so.”

Eugene is tired. So tired, and this conversation isn’t going anywhere, uncovering misunderstanding after misunderstanding instead of clearing things up between them.

“Why are you here, Shelton.”

“Fuck, Gene, don’t make me say it, please.  
”

Akela’s back, panting. She sits and looks at them wearily. Snafu sits down next to her, putting an arm around her neck and scratching her behind her ears, something she usually doesn’t permit anyone else save Eugene to do.

Eugene is still looking at Snafu, won’t let this one go. Snafu looks troubled but Eugene knows him enough to know his is the face he makes when he’s struggling to say something, but that given time he’ll talk.

“Missed you.” Snafu mumbles, barely audible but Eugene hears him alright.

Eugene wants to yell at him, scream himself hoarse and curse at their own stupidity because they did this to each other. He also thinks they’ve punished themselves long enough, so he sits next to Snafu with Akela between them, putting a hand against her shoulder. His hand brushes Snafu’s sometimes and his whole being screams for more but the little peace they have between them seems to fragile to risk it.

He’s loath to interrupt the silence between them but if they got anything from this conversation it’s that they owe each other the truth, so that’s what he lays between them, plain and simple.

“Missed you, too.” It feels like an understatement but it’s the words they need.

They’ve barely broached the surface of what they still need to say to each other but the progress made just now is significant if it means they’ve initiated communication; so they let it be and just sit in silence next to each other in the dark, letting what they said to each other sink in.

“I’m exhausted. Let’s go home,” says Eugene after a while, and they make their way back to the house with Akela and Jeudi trailing after them. They walk closer to each other than they did earlier and every so often their arms brush against one another and it feels comfortable, nothing like the strain Eugene felt between them earlier.

They say goodnight before Snafu settles in for the night in the guest bedroom with Jeudi, and Eugene feels lighter than he has in months. He last thought before he falls asleep is of Snafu: he thinks that yes, they’re going to be okay.

+++

Eugene’s in the state between sleep and wakefulness, anguish lingering from a barely there nightmare when he feels the bed dip and someone shushing next to him.

“It’s alright, Eugene, just a nightmare. You’re alright.”

Eugene barely registers the words but the tone feels soothing, he’s always loved Snafu’s voice. It all seems a blur but next thing he knows he’s sitting and then ordered out of his pajama top, drenched in sweat. His heart is still hammering against his ribcage but then he’s lying down again.

He’s half asleep but his pulse is slowing down by the minute when he feels Snafu curling up against him. Sleep is making is tongue clumsy and unhibited.

“Don’t go,” pleads Eugene.

“I’m not going anywhere. Go back to Sleep Eugene.”

Eugene paws clumsily in the dark until he finds Snafu’s arm and drapes it over himself to make sure he heeds his promise, and just like that, he goes back to sleep.

+++

In the morning the events of the night seem like a distant memory and Eugene’d think it was all a dream if his pajama shirt wasn’t draped on his desk chair and if Snafu’s dog wasn’t lying peacefully next to Akela at the foot of the bed when he  
remembers going to sleep with his door closed. He’d feel unsettled by Snafu’s absence but the presence of Jeudi on his bed as if he belonged there puts his worry to rest.

He dresses and makes his way to the kitchen where Snafu is drinking coffee and chatting amiably with his parents. He can see the dark circles under his eyes and must be sporting his own, no doubt, but they share a secret smile and it feels like they’ve reached some sort of fragile peace. Eugene nods and Snafu reads in it the thank you that it is for the night.

+++

Snafu stays, every fear of overstaying his welcome shut down by Eugene’s parents. They can’t refuse hospitality to a man they know without asking is one of the reasons their son made it back alive, the reason why Sledge smiles more and looks more rested. They settle into a routine of sorts: they share their days helping Eugene’s father around the house, then after dinner they go on a walk with their dogs where they talk in the darkness, because they changed and need to learn each other all over again.

Inevitably Snafu pads into Eugene’s room in the middle of the night and into Eugene’s bed.

+++

They seem to be back on a bicker basis, Snafu taking every opportunity he has to indulge in Eugene’s mother babying him. This involves her showing him some frankly embarrassing baby pictures. Eugene wants to be mad, he really is, but Snafu is smiling his real smile, teeth biting into his bottom lip and Eugene forgets to be mad.

“This Deacon?” asks Snafu about a picture. When Eugene nods, the atmosphere gets solemn. Eugene takes a deep breath but it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. He puts on a sad smile but a sincere one. Snafu, sitting next to him on the couch, having gotten closer to peer at the photographs bumps his shoulder to Sledge’s.

Later that night when they go on their walk after dinner, Eugene can’t help but smile when he sees Snafu with Akela. It still puzzles him how fast they took to each other and he says so to Snafu.

Snafu replies that it’s because “Dogs are easier to figure out than humans.” He says it in his usual flippant tone, the tone that Eugene recognises by now as the one Snafu uses when he hides a truthful statement behind humor.

It should feel strange to be talking so openly with Snafu, lying in the dark with Snafu’s dog nestled on his chest but it’s one of those things that Eugene fell into without quite realizing, a thing that has become an integral part of his life. It’s one of those inane thoughts which turn heavy when you dwell upon them. For a moment he feels foolish for letting himself have this, because when you let yourself have something become so precious it hurts all the more when you have no power over the fact that it can be taken away from you.

“What’s the matter, Eugene?” says Snafu, breaking the silence. It dawns on Eugene that Snafu being perceptive is nothing new. The difference is that now he is more comfortable making his worries known.

For a moment Eugene doesn’t say anything. Then he looks back on his history with Snafu and all the moments he let things unsaid expand the space between them. And if Eugene’s been thinking a lot these days, it’s about having the truth told, no matter how painful, in order not to let history repeat itself. And because his trust in Snafu has grown over the past few days he makes himself tell the truth. Even when pushing the words past his throat feels like jumping without a safety net.

“I’m scared one day you’ll just be gone and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Eugene isn’t looking at Snafu, is not looking at anything in particular, eyes staring at something indefinite in the distance, but he can hear Snafu’s hitched breath.

“Eugene…”

Eugene wants to shrink in on himself. Instead, he wraps his arms around Snafu’s dog.

“Eugene, listen to me. I know the way I did it was wrong and I’ll never forgive myself for this but we both know I had to do this. Fuck. I was a mess. You were a mess too and we still are but we needed some time apart. We wouldn’t have been good to each other then. You know I’m not wrong ‘Gene.” He takes a breath, bracing himself for the rest. “Are you worried I’m gonna bail again? ‘Cause fuck, ‘Gene. I did it once and it was the hardest and stupidest thing I’ve ever done in my life and I don’t have the strength to do it again. I’m here until you get tired of me. So you can quit with the worrying.” His voice breaks at the end of the sentence.

They remain silent to acknowledge the gravity of the statement and Eugene doesn’t quite know what to say to that, fumbling for words and finding none adequate.  
Beside him, Snafu tentatively reaches towards Eugene with his hand and aborts the motion, like he did a hundred times in the past. But tonight history doesn’t repeat itself; tonight his hand finds Eugene, settles over his wrist. When Eugene doesn’t jerk away, he gives a firmer squeeze, the gesture as much a comfort to Snafu as it is to Eugene.

It shouldn’t feel so thrilling and new after the way they hold each other every night but it is when they initiate contact without feeling the circumstances dictate it. Eugene wishes the moment would stay suspended in time. He’s been praying every day since his return to forget some memories but now he closes his eyes to fix the memory of the sensation of Snafu’s hand warm on him in his mind for good. He wants to make up for every bad memory by making new ones, good ones.

This moment has no words, needs none. For once the silence between them isn’t for lack of communication. Eugene’s reply is to put his hand over Snafu’s. Every once in a while he strokes his thumb over Snafu’s wrist and the intimacy of it is both welcome and thrilling. They look overhead at the stars, an echo to a night which seems so distant now. “ _What do you do now_ ” had been the question back then, left unanswered until now. There is the first premise of an answer to that question now, the only truthful statement: that it starts with them together.

When they make their way back to the house together, Snafu joins Eugene right away instead of padding in silently in the middle of the night.

+++

With the insecurity of them parting out of the way they start to have more levity in their relationship, not keeping anything bottled up for fear of driving the other away. It’s as if a barrier has been lifted between them. They talk for hours each night, sharing everything and nothing because nothing feels off limit.

( _“I can’t believe I only learned your name was Merriell on our way home. I can’t even call you that now.”_

 _“Me and Burgie only did it to fuck with you at first but then we kept going because of the face you made each time. Yeah the one you’re making right now.”_ )

Eugene’s parents are quick to notice the change, with the boys roughhousing each other like errant children. They smile on it because they see some of the old Eugene back.

With Snafu now being a fixture in his life, it only seems natural Eugene should introduce him to Sid. He’s worried at first about his two circles of friends mixing but naturally they get on like a house on fire, uniting in their teasing of Eugene ( _“Don’t tell me you’re showing him pictures, Christ, not you too! You’re worse than my mother. Alright. Give them back. Give them back greaser!”_ )

Eugene can’t help but watch Sid and Mary, so obvious in their love. When Eugene says so to Sid, he smiles knowingly.

“It’s not always so obvious,” replies Sid. “Sometimes you’ve known a person your whole life and it’s so gradual it creeps up on you. One day you just look at them and you know. You’ll see.”

They’ve been best friends their whole lives and told each other everything and yet there’s something that Sid seems to be leaving out of the conversation. When Eugene frowns to puzzle out his words, Sid Slaps him on the back and makes a quip about Eugene’s ginger hair.

It’s a pleasant and light afternoon, and if Snafu was worried about meeting Eugene’s life long best friend, not to mention what Eugene might have said about him prior to his return, it stops when Sid catches him alone and thanks Snafu for keeping him safe and bringing him home in one piece.

+++

These days Eugene is half heartedly looking at college courses getting more and more frustrated as time goes by. He lacks purpose. Meanwhile Snafu is doing minor carpentry work around the house, the kind of work they usually call a contractor for but Eugene figures his dad offered to give Snafu something to do.

Snafu and Eugene enjoy the newfound ease in their friendship, but it’s short lived to some extent. They might have smoothed out some of the tensions rooted in abandonment issues but it seems that with those out of the way, newfound tensions arise, of another nature. They don’t shy away from being tactile with each other but don’t indulge in it often. Eugene seems to be physically hyper aware of Snafu. He tells himself it comes with their history of having watch over the other and sharing a bed. Still, not all of it can be accounted for.

They don’t seem to be able to do casual. Whenever they both end up petting Akela and their hands brush, Eugene registers it without a fault, the simple touch sending warmth radiating through his chest. He gets distracted, zoned out of his reading by fixating upon Snafu’s lower lip absentmindedly. His distraction reaches new heights when he’s looking up possible college courses on the terrasse outside as Snafu does some minor carpentry work. He’s never seen Snafu work like that and he marvels at Snafu making sense of structure and applying his woodworking skills.

When Snafu applies himself he’s like a man possessed, all drive and skill. He can spend hours on end, impervious to time and the world going on around him. The dogs know better than to hang around Snafu when he’s working, hence why Eugene currently has a lapful of Jeudi. Eugene is stunned. Snafu’s got a pencil stuck behind his ear, forgotten. Eugene’s eyes track the precise motion of Snafu’s hand dusting off saw dust, the arch of his spine when he bends over his work. His college brochures lie forgotten in front of Eugene, but when Snafu turns his head towards Eugene and catches him staring his focused expression turns into a brilliant smile.

When they lie next to each other at night, it makes Snafu’s skin leave a heady scent clinging to the sheets, a mix of pine, tobacco, linseed oil and turpentine that Eugene can’t help but take deep lungful of in the mornings, when Snafu’s gone, and surely it should not be possible to miss someone so soon but Eugene realises he does, each inhale bringing a pang to his chest that subsides only when he lays eyes on Snafu the minute he joins him in the kitchen.

+++

Most of the time Snafu is on Eugene’s mind, it’s impossible not to when their lives seem to be so entwined now; Eugene carries a pack of smokes on him at all times despite the fact that he only smokes his pipe, simply because Snafu always seems to be out. The same way Akela took so fast to Snafu, Jeudi seems to have adopted Eugene. The small dog is often found on Eugene’s lap or looking after Akela, despite his smaller size. Everytime Eugene goes home he trails his hand on the porch railing, feeling the fine grain wood under his fingertips, Snafu’s work.

So attuned to Snafu that he is, he notices when Snafu displays odd behavior and doesn’t say what’s on his mind. He’s been more distant these last few days, putting distance between him and Eugene during their nightly walk. Watching Eugene from across the room with intense focus, eyes shining with it, when he thinks Eugene is not looking. The more distance he puts between him and Eugene, the more affectionate he seems to be with Akela, seeking her out and lavishing affection upon her, cuddling her in a way she only permits with him. He seems to be getting little sleep, running himself ragged, but everytime Eugene asks him about it, putting a reassuring hand on Snafu’s shoulder, he shrugs the gentle touch as if it burned and dismiss the question. They’re back to bickering but Snafu always makes his way to Sledge’s bed, without fail.

“I’m tired of fighting you, Mer,” murmurs Sledge in the darkness, Snafu against his back. “I feel like I’ve done something wrong and you won’t tell me. If I’ve done something just tell me.”

Snafu sighs. “It’s not you Eugene, alright? go back to sleep.”

He does but it doesn’t prevent the thought from nagging him at the back of his mind.

The night’s sleep doesn’t put any lingering tension to rest. Snafu is angrily working on a cupboard door he’s remaking, the heat of the day making him cranky and sweaty. He’s taken off his shirt and for some reason it’s bothering Eugene.

“You know you might work better if you were in the shade,” says Eugene.

Snafu looks at him, exasperated, and adds an eyeroll to his already sarcastic tone “Wow that’s a fucking brilliant idea Eugene. Might as well wait for the night to do this fucking intricate piece of work that requires me to actually see what I’m doing.”

“Suit yourself then. Don’t come whining when you get a heatstroke. When was the last time you drank?”

As a reply Snafu holds Eugene’s gaze, takes his forgotten glass of water and upends its contents over his head, sending water streaming down in chest in rivulets that that Eugene can’t help but follow.

Eugene feels his cheek heat up, and he starts adding fuel to the argument until both of them are more cussing than arguing, until Eugene’s parents catch them in the middle of a particularly colorful string of expletives.

They all look at each other, wide eyed, for the space of a few seconds that seem to stretch into minutes, until Eugene’s dad, diplomatic, says “Why don’t you boys take the dogs on a walk along the stream to cool them down a little?” And bless him because the thought of the dogs is enough to ground them, easy that it is to put the needs of their four legged companions before their own.

The walk is a tense and silent one at first, anger setting the pace in long strides rather than their usual casual stroll until they pause when they reach the stream and let the dogs chase each other in the clear water.

They don’t quite know what to do or say once they’ve reached their destination. Anger is still rolling off Sledge in waves, coursing through his body like electricity up to his fingertips, making him clench and unclench his fists.

Snafu turns his back to him, ignoring him in favor of taking off his shoes to sit down on the bank and dip his feet in the water, resolutely looking at anything but Eugene.

But two can play that game and Eugene is no better, trying to engage Akela into an elaborate game of fetch, which works as a sound distraction for a while, until Akela, bless her, starts to drop the stick Eugene keeps throwing at her next to Snafu.

Now that his attention is back on Snafu, Eugene notices that he is clutching the small curls at the name of his neck in his characteristic nervous fashion, and concern overrides anger.  
He takes off his shoes to sit close to Snafu, feeling so weary all of a sudden. They were making such progress and it seems they’re back to square one.

“What’s going on, Mer. Talk to me, please. I feel like we keep having this conversation over and over again.”

“‘M just tired is all,” replies Snafu. He paws at the pocket of in shirt in search of smokes, finds them empty because he always forgets them.

It’s Eugene who produces a pack of cigarettes he doesn’t even smoke, but keeps stored for Snafu. Their fingers brush during the exchange, and Eugene wants to prolong the contact between them, but Snafu is swift to light his cigarette and move his hands away.

“Christ. Can’t you just stop lying for one second? I’m not blind.” Snafu’s eyes widen at that, almost imperceptible. “Listen. I know I’m asking a lot, and if I ever crossed a line then I’m sorry. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, or feel like you have to stay for my sake. If you want to leave just say so.” It’s a weird mixture of pain and relief to have those words out in the open, but Eugene feels at peace with himself for saying them.

“What?!” replies Snafu, finally turning toward him, looking him with impossible big eyes. “I’m not… You think I wanna leave? Why?!”

“You’re being weird around me, avoiding me.”

Snafu inhales a mighty drag, smokes his cigarette down to ashes and then he has nothing to occupy his hands. “I didn’t want to make YOU uncomfortable,” he says, eyes not leaving Eugene’s. He blinks once, twice, lets the words sink in. He’s biting his lip again.

“Well, you’re not,” says Eugene.

Snafu exhales in relief at that, his head lolling forward a little. “Guess we’re both idiots then Eugene.”

“Yeah.” They smile for the first time in too long, and the tension deflates a little. Eugene feels almost light headed with it, puts it on the heat. Snafu nudges his shoulder and he nudges back, the contact a comfort.

When he turns to look at Snafu they’re impossibly close, and his eyes fix on his his dark curls, turned almost red where they catch the sunlight. He’s got a piece of sawdust in his hair and for some reason Eugene can’t look away, his hand reaching without thought to shake it off.  
He’s momentarily surprised at the softness of the curls and his fingertips linger, carding softly through, down until they rest against the side of his neck, and stay there.

Snafu is unmoving, transfixed, unwilling to break the spell. Words aren’t the only tools when it comes to lying, but Eugene knows that this stillness is all but a front. He knows it because the frantic pulse under his fingers and the tempest in Snafu’s gray eyes betray the lie.

Eugene’s heart is hammering against his ribcage as well, he feels alive, his body buzzing with a magnetic charge that’s pulling him towards Snafu. They’re leaning towards each other, impossibly close, and when Snafu exhales shakily Eugene feels the air ghosting on his cheek.

They’ve fought for so long and so many battles and Eugene is tired of fighting. Only this time, stopping the fight doesn’t feel like losing. Snafu is panting, lips parted, and his eyes keep going from Eugene’s eyes to his lips. They keep their eyes open and effortlessly, the gravitational pull that has been in play ever since they first met does it for them: their lips meet at last in a joint effort.Those taunting lips that have teased and cursed now fit perfectly against his, warm and gentle when Eugene expected prickly and rough. It’s the most delicate brush of their lips, a barely there kiss, but when they draw back from it they know their being together is the truth, irrefutable and absolute.

There is no place for doubt when Snafu goes back in for another kiss, firmer but with the same amount of reverence that has Eugene feel safe and adored. All those maddening times Snafu bit his lip, he now applies the pressure of his lips to that of Eugene’s, trapping his bottom lip and hinting with the barest pressure of teeth.

Eugene splays his hand on Snafu’s neck, his thumb brushing the corner of Snafu’s jaw, slightly prickly with the promise of stubble. He wants to taste and keeps tasting, can’t suppress a hum when Snafu’s tongue brushes against his lips.

They break the kiss, panting for breath, hungry eyes seeing nothing but the other. Eugene won’t have them parted, he’s been given a taste and now he wants to devour him. He’s reminded of Sid’s words to him: _“It’s not always so obvious, sometimes you’ve known a person your whole life and it’s so gradual it creeps up on you. One day you just look at them and you know. You’ll see.”_ Eugene knows and sees now. He pushes his other hand against Snafu’s chest and climbs in his lap to facilitate access, and having so much of Snafu against him makes him burning up inside and out, every point of contact sending heat flaring up his body, consuming him.

Eugene’s hand makes its way up from Snafu’s neck until it settles in his hair where it holds on, desperate and prompting for more when he gets a moan out of Snafu which Eugene swallows greedily.

Snafu’s hands are tight on his waist and Eugene feels loved and secure and never wants to let go and he doesn’t realize he said those words out loud except for when Snafu whispers against his lips that he’s not going to.

When they’ve taken the worst of the edge off and when the need for oxygen becomes a thing again, they lie back on the bank, Eugene still held securely in Snafu’s embrace and resting his head against his neck, soothed by the steady pulse beating close to his ear. They lounge like that for a while, entwining their fingers when Snafu starts to fidget.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” murmurs Snafu, content and honest.

Eugene’s eyes are closed. He acknowledges the admission with a hum and tightens his arms around Snafu to say that he does. After a while, the dogs come out of chasing each other in the stream and curl around the two of the, naturally.

“Will you stay?” asks Eugene, honest and vulnerable. “I’d like it if you did.”

“I will,” he replies. With that reassurance, Eugene falls asleep once more, feeling at home in Snafu’s arms for the first time since he got back.

+++

They’re awoken by Akela and Jeudi licking their faces, bored and itching to go back to the house. They stretch languidly before helping each other up and making their way back, feeling lighter and at peace with the world. Snafu carries Akela in his arms for part of the way when she tires and Eugene kisses him for it because it’s allowed now. When the house is in sight, she jumps from his arms and makes a run for it, Jeudi trailing after her.

They walk next to each other, not daring holding hands but with their fingers brushing with the movement, sending thrills up their spines with the intimacy of it, with the familiarity of it, looking forward to the night and the promise of more it'll bring with it.

Snafu is looking ever so fondly at Akela in a way that has Eugene’s heart melting.

“I guess she’s not as alone as her name says,” says Snafu, eyes earnest and never leaving Eugene’s.

“Guess not,” replies Eugene.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from gingereskimoo on tumblr who asked for "Eugene getting another dog." This was supposed to be a short drabble. Kinda got away from me.  
> Snafu sleeping next to Eugene to help him with his nightmares originated from a drabble written by greetingsprogramms and inspired the scenes between Peeta and Katniss in Catching Fire.  
> Thanks to gingereskimoo & [jspringsteen](http://archiveofourown.org/users/jspringsteen/pseuds/jspringsteen)  
> Come find me on [tumblr](http://hugatreeortwo.tumblr.com)


End file.
